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Music, Sex and Cookies

Moose Song

Do Virgins Taste Better

A Dragon's Retort


Uncle J as Orsen Wells
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Other Songs 6.8 The Moose Song

When I was a young man I used to like girls.
I fondled their bodies and played with their curls.
But my girlfriend ran off with a salesman named Bruce.
You'd never get treated that way by a moose.

CHORUS:
So it's moose, moose, I like a moose.
I've never had anything quite like a moose.
I've had many lovers; my morals are loose,
But I've never had anything quite like a moose.

Now when I'm in need of a very good lay
I go to me stables and get me some hay.
I opens my window and spreads it around,
'Cause Moose always comes when there's hay on the ground.

Now I've made it with all kinds of beasties with hair.
I'd make it with snakes if their fangs were not there.
I've made it with walrus, two ducks and a goose,
But I've never had anything quite like a moose.

Now gorillas are fine for a Saturday night,
And lions and tigers, they puts up a fight,
But it just ain't the same when you slams their caboose
As the feeling you get when you hump on a moose.

I've tried many beasties on land and on sea.
I've even tried hump-backs that humped back on me.
Sharks are quite good, though they're hard to pull loose,
But on dry land there is nothing quite like a moose.

Woodchucks are all right except that they bite,
And foxes and rabbits won't last through the night.
Cows would be fun, but they're hard to seduce,
But you never need worry should you find a moose.

Step in my study, and trophies you'll find.
A black striped tiger and a scruffy maned lion.
You'll know the elephant by his ivory tooth,
And the one that's a winking, you know is the moose.

The lion succumbed to a thirty-ought-six.
Machine guns and tigers I've proved do not mix.
The elephant fell by a bomb with a fuse,
But I won't tell a soul how I did in the moose.

I've found many women attracted to me.
A few of them have had me over for tea.
Some say that they love me when they're feeling loose,
But I'd trade the world's women for one lovely moose.

The good Lord made Adam, and then He made Eve.
Said he, "If you sin now, I'll ask you to leave."
They left not because of Eve's forbidden fruit,
But 'cause Adam decided the moose there were cute.

The English are said to like boars who've had corn.
The Celtics just dream of the young unicorn.
The Germans, it's said, just need leather and rope,
But give me a moose, and I'll no longer mope.

Now I've broken the laws in this god-awful state.
They've put me in prison and locked up the gate.
They say that tomorrow I'll swing from a noose,
But my last night I'll spend with a good, sexy moose.

Next morning the Governor's word reached my ears.
"We've commuted your sentence to ninety-nine years.
You won't get parole, not a five-minute truce,
And your friend goes to Sing-Sing; he's so big-a-moose."

Now that I'm old and advanced in my years,
I'll look back on me life, and I'll shed me no tears,
As I sit in my chair with my glass of Mateuse
And play hide the salami with Millie the Moose.

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In Uncle J's Universe the date is: Sun, Dec 17, AS 52 ( CE 2017 )