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The Man Who Would Not Die

The Honourable Baron Justinian Clarus

Sutans Song Words and Music by Master Hector

My Cup Fell in the icechest, its been in there all night
We muster in three minutes and my helm is too damn tight
My duct tape fell into the lake, my rivets all went pop
My plates are held with chewing gum, when will this morning stop,

So tell the king I'll join him soon, if armour I can borrow
and if I dont climb up the hill I guess we'll win tomorrow

There's been a little mixup with my armour on the truck
Some bastard stole my war door! with a buckler I am stock
I'm standing in the shieldwall, and I'm feeling some alarm
With 7 dozen spear ahead and a pie plate on my arm

My sword and I are much alike, our tips are soft and droop
My stick is mush I cannot throw a snap, it's more a bloop
Next year I think I'll take the field with 8 foot shin guards so
They stick two feet above my head and shin shots get called low.

At least I have my master plan on which I can rely
Who needs a sword my rapier wit will make the foeman fly!
3 rolls of tape 4 blue foam pads and I'll be wrapped complete
And then I'll bodycheck 'em as a thrusting tip with feet.

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In Uncle J's Universe the date is: Sun, Jun 16, AS 59 ( CE 2024 )